The Top 19 Dog Breeds

Dogs may be man’s best friend, but not all dogs are created equal. This list of the 19 best dog breeds finally sets the record straight and determines which is the goodest boy.

19. Dachshund

Why are they so long? It makes their necks look so disproportionate to the rest of their body! In the wise words of Bill Hader on Saturday Night Live, “I don’t trust any dog whose stomach touches the ground!”

18. Bichon Frise

I feel like it’s a pretty popular opinion that taxidermied animals are absolutely terrifying. A Bichon Frise is the kind of dog that you’d see on display the second you set foot inside a taxidermist. Also, my grandparents had a Bichon Frise and it tried to climb the Christmas tree.

17. Yorkie

Yorkies are so tiny and fragile! I imagine it’s almost impossible to even walk them for fear that you’d step on them! Also, people love to tie the tops of their Yorkie’s head in a little bow, so I blame them for the man bun trend. 

16. Rottweiler

I’m totally against the stereotype that dogs that are traditionally used as police dogs or fighting animals are more aggressive in nature. In fact, I love Rottweilers and I think they’re adorable. But what I don’t love is the terrifying “Rottweiler” contestant from this season of the Masked Singer. Sorry Rottweilers, you’re just another thing that the Fox Network has ruined.

15. Schnauzer

I’m just going to say it, Schnauzers look like grandfathers that give their 8 year old grandkid $20 to go try to pick up a pack of cigars. Plus, when they drink, their beard gets all wet, and because it’s so long it just looks stringy and gross.

14. Shih Tzu

The Shih Tzu is probably one of the weirdest looking dog breeds of all time. It looks like Cousin It from the Addams Family. However, its name is super funny, so it sits here at number 14.

13. Poodle

Poodles are overrated. Sure, some Poodles can be very cute, but the show dog market is absolutely saturated with poodles. Plus, their tails always get shaved so weird. What’s up with that?

12. Pomeranian

Pomeranians are so fun. They just look like an amorphous ball of fluff with a bright shining smile. But my neighbors Pomeranian once peed on me for like 30 seconds straight because it was excited to see me, and that experience has kind of ruined the Pomeranian for me. I hope you’re happy Sammy. 

11. Great Dane

Great Danes are great not only because they’re awesome, but because they’re absolutely massive. The largest dog in the world is a seven foot long Great Dane named George and I love him. But Great Danes take up so much space, and they’re so active, so they’re not as easy of a pet to take care of as some of the others on this list. I’m sorry, Great Dane. This one hurts.

10. Chihuahua

Much like the Yorkie, Chihuahuas are known for their tiny size, as well as their giant ears. They’re not really anyone’s favorite dog, but one movie franchise managed to land them in the top 10 of this list: Beverly Hills Chihuahua. The fever-dream-esque trilogy starred Drew Barrymore and Mario Lopez and is one of the wildest parts of my childhood movie-going experience. The epicness of these movies is enough to place Chihuahuas in the top 10, but won’t be enough to launch them to greater heights.

9. St. Bernard

St. Bernards always look so sad, with their glassy eyes and perpetual frowns! Are they doing okay? Do they need anything? They really couldn’t have picked a better dog to star in the Beethoven series than a St. Bernard, and to be honest, one of the main reasons that the St. Bernard is so high on this list is because of the injustice that Beethoven received in those movies. #JusticeForBeethoven.

8. Collie

Collies are so pretty, they have beautiful coats and their ears are so cute. They’re also really great with kids, and they’re easily trained. The only reason Collies aren’t higher on this list is because there are so many different breeds with the breed of Collie to keep track of, to the point that if you pointed to any dog on the street and told me it was a Collie I would probably believe you.

7. Jack Russell Terrier

How could you not love a Jack Russell? Their cute ears, their brown coats, and their beautiful eyes sell themselves. But these dogs are always on a mission, and deserve to be chasing foxes, rather than being a housepet. 

6. Pug

Pugs wrinkly faces and cute tails make them distinguishable from a mile away. They’re one of the most popular breeds, and it’s not hard to see why. 

5. Husky

Contrary to popular belief, these dogs exist outside of Alaska. Their general rarity makes their beauty all the more interesting. Huskies are absolutely amazing and deserve more respect. 

4. Bulldog

Again, just because a dog was bred to be feisty does not make it inherently aggressive! The Bulldog is the only dog whose wrinkles can beat the pugs, and their stature just makes them all the more interesting and quirky. 

3. Labrador

The Labrador is the most popular breed of dog in North America, and it’s not hard to see why. They look like what you think of when you hear the word “dog”. Labradors are playful, great with kids, and an all around awesome dog. 

2. Golden Retriever

Golden retrievers are silky, beautiful dogs. They are fiercely loyal, patient, and energetic. From the time they are puppies to their old age, they’re a great companion.

1.Corgi

You can’t look at that face and tell me it’s not the most precious thing ever! Corgis are perpetually happy and smiling, snuggly, and amazing dogs. 15/10.